Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
