he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
