afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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