Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize