I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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