Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
