you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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