so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
