I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
