if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
