apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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