It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
