I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
