After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
