you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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