i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize