i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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