I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
