I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
