i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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