trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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