How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
