My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
