Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
