dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
