I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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