Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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