That's intense
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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