so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
