i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
