As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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