im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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