When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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