Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
