not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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