I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
