i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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