Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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