i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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