What did we do last night that was yellow?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
