ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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