I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
