I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
