i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
