Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
