Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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