does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
