Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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