Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
