tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
