every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
