Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
