My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
