I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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