fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
