Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
