what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this just has baby written all over it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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