so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
