i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A bitchslap is in order.
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