I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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