I puked a lego.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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