Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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