Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
