I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
