I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
