aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
